Suuuure you didn't. [He doesn't believe that WHATSOEVER given he's pretty sure Mizu's one and only hobby is swordfighting. To the death. Though given the fact he's apparently dating Vergil, that could take on a whole other meaning now.
Oh, god, ugh. Fucking gross. (Ah, so this is what it's like to be disgusted at the thought of your parent being a sexual person...)]
Do I need to give him The Talk for you? I will, you just say the word. [He's mostly teasing, but he's also really not.]
I assure you that you do not need to take up the mantle on his behalf. I hear plenty of it now, alongside him gesturing with his hands like he is firing his guns.
[He rolls his eyes before taking another sip of his tea. Vergil is only mildly relieved that Mizu and Dante do not appear to speak to one another all that much. At least, not that he's heard. Dante would likely grow comfortable enough with her over time to make similar remarks. It's bad enough Vergil must listen to them, but he's Dante's twin. Mizu does not deserve being subjected to that sort of...humor.]
[Nero laughs and shoots Vergil a wink and a fingergun over his bowl. Then he's given at least a brief respite for a moment as Nero takes a few bites, simply too hungry to continue trolling his father right now.
When he's done chewing and swallowing he'll offer just one more comment on the matter.]
Well, congrats, I guess. It's really none of my business, for the most part. As long as you're happy, good for you.
[Vergil fixes Nero with a look that's typically reserved for Dante. The sort of look that silently communicates that if he were not a blood relative... He just sips his tea while Nero eats his ramen, which he was about to direct Nero to do instead of continuing with his commentary had Nero not taken the initiative himself.]
[He nods a little to Nero's words after he's had a few bites, but says nothing in response. Vergil finds the offer of congratulations a bit odd, but there's nothing he finds objectionable about Nero recognizing that Vergil's relationship with Mizu is largely none of his business. And as for the matter of happiness...?]
[When Dante asked Vergil if he was happy with Mizu, he didn't know exactly how to answer. Not to say that he was unhappy in any way, but it had only been a couple of weeks at that point. It was difficult to tell with how fresh and new everything had been if it was the novelty or if he truly had found happiness with Mizu. Never mind that... Well. Happiness is a fleeting thing in the majority of Vergil's experiences, often slipping from his fingertips before he can even realize it's right there in front of him. Assuming that he even allowed for it in the first place.]
[But Vergil finds himself astonishingly happy here in Folkmore. Not just with Mizu. With Dante and Nero. With his life here. There's a part of him that keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen where some part of this dream is stripped away from him, but it's grown a little quieter as of late.]
[Vergil doesn't push for further conversation to allow Nero to eat.]
Nero is content to eat for a bit, filling in the void that is his growling stomach with a massive quantity of curry broth, marinated pork, noodles, and all the toppings. He takes a break for gyoza, offering Vergil some if he'd like to nibble. Amazing how a bit of food can turn his mood around so quickly.
Not that he's completely forgotten about the fiasco earlier. He's still pretty embarrassed at his meltdown, and wondering if he ought to apologize for it. Though he'd admittedly also just like to drop it forever and pretend it didn't happen. Shuffling in his seat, one of the severe bruises across his back announces itself with a twinge, and Nero visibly winces at the motion, squirming a little until he can get comfortable again.
Okay. Maybe he can't really pretend it didn't happen just yet...]
I... didn't get a chance to, but. I'm getting better at holding my Devil Trigger.
[With his tea nearly finished, Vergil accepts the offered gyoza, helping himself to one. He was not exaggerating when he said he did not have a particularly strong appetite, and does not find himself needing or wanting more beyond that. He sets aside his emptied cup once the last of his tea is gone, and moves the water in front of him instead. Although Vergil says nothing to the wince of pain, it's obvious that it pulls his attention quickly. He looks up from the table as Vergil catches Nero's movement in his peripheral vision, a furrow in his brow. But Nero is fine relatively speaking. Vergil did nothing to him that a day or two would not likely fix. Vergil sits back a little in his seat again, having not realized he'd leaned forward out of instinct.]
Good. [They'd already spoken of the importance of increasing his endurance, and it was already on Nero's mind when they had. So, of course, Vergil approves of that and is glad to hear Nero is following through on what he's expressed wanting to do. He pauses a moment before asking,] Are you pushing yourself until you cannot hold it any longer, or are you leaving it when you are feeling the beginnings of fatigue?
[It's more a point of curiosity than anything. There is, unfortunately, no real manual given to anyone of their mixed heritage that explains the best methodology in accessing Devil Trigger and maximizing its power.]
[This is him attempting to focus on what went right during the spar. Which in his opinion is very little, but he's also aware he's inclined to think more about all the things that failed instead of what was actually accomplished.
He makes a bit of a face at the question, mostly because he has to answer:] The first one. [Not a big surprise, given how Vergil just watched him nearly burn himself out physically, too.]
At home in my room, mostly. Not sure why it has to make me look butt-ass naked...
[Vergil speculates that Nero's form is likely influenced by the amount of human blood within him relative to Vergil or Dante. Hence the..."butt-ass naked" (as Nero put it) in that form. But given his earlier behavior even with his significantly improved mood, Vergil doesn't think it wise to point that out even if he does not mean it in a negative sense. But it does bring up a question that Vergil tries and fails to think of how to ask in as delicate manner as he possibly can beyond simply just asking it. So, it is with a slight bit of hesitation that he simply asks:]
[Hell of a question. Nero makes a crooked little smirk around his mouthful of noodles and darts his eyes aside, as though he'll find a good answer elsewhere in the room.]
I dunno. [He says, finally.] Demons don't really give a shit what I look like, so it doesn't bother me in action but...
[Another crookedly awkward purse of his lips, inverse of the first.] Not like I can change it if it's meant to be my true self.
[Which is all to say, yes. He's not super confident in that skin yet.]
[Although it's true that there's nothing to be self-conscious about, Vergil cannot very well say that to Nero. Well, he can. But he's not exactly going to be believed.]
You will grow accustomed to it with time. [And if not with time, well. Vergil's certain it will not lack in...appeal for others. At least that's been Vergil's experience. But that's something for Nero to discover on his own, and not to be discussed between father and son.] For what it is worth, however, I believe it suits you. It reflects your demonic heritage. You bear traits similar to me and your grandfather. But it still reflects your humanity.
[Which, yes, is because of his human blood, but Vergil chooses the word humanity to describe it instead for a reason.]
It is both your power and your strength made manifest. I see it as something to take pride in.
[He realizes a moment too late that that might sound like he's dismissing what Vergil said, or jabbing his own devil's appearance. Which he is, but... it's a little funny, isn't it? Demons aren't going to think it's funny when he's crushing their skulls in his palms or snapping them in half like an overextended measuring tape, which is what really matters. Nero's just going to have to get used to looking buff and nude.
It's something else he says that brings him back around though.]
[Vergil wrinkles his nose slightly at the "clappin' cheeks" remark, but he takes no particular offense to it. At this point, Vergil is a little more accustomed to Nero's tendency for flippant remarks and recognizes them not to serve the same purpose as Dante's which are so often meant to be dismissive and minimizing. It is just simply how Nero talks. Vergil doesn't always care for it... But he would also hazard a guess Nero does not always care for Vergil's vocabulary either, so to that end they are even.]
Of course, [he says so matter-of-fact, one should think it the obvious comparison. Not that Vergil thinks it entirely unreasonable for not seeing the similarities with Sparda given that the Order possessed some...unique interpretations for his visage. It's only been recently that Nero has been afforded the opportunity to see Sparda as he actually was in human form the family portrait at the very least.] Do you disagree?
[Kind of worth it for the nose wrinkle, to be honest. Nero is new to being a son and also new to the classic, universal joy that is vexing one's uptight father. And honestly? Big fan.]
Well, yeah. I mean, like this... [He gestures between them, indicating their faces. Yeah, it's not escaped his attention that he's a dead ringer for his father, to the point they might have guessed they were related even if they didn't know it for a fact. So many times, Nero sees his own face looking back at him-- like with that nose wrinkle, for instance.]
Can't say I got much of a look at your devil, [when he was spiking you into the ground like a football] but... other than being blue, I don't know.
[And then, he lets slip a very telling remark, perhaps still thinking of the earlier spar.] I feel so far apart sometimes.
[Vergil cannot simply tell Nero not to feel the way that he does both because if it were that simple, Nero would have done that already, and because Vergil would have as well. Nothing could really be quite so hypocritical as to tell his own son not to feel something that he himself has felt acutely for the majority of his life. Most frustrating than the lack of a straightforward affirmation though is Vergil also lacks the ability to advise Nero forward. There is no real solution that came to him or that he worked toward that soothed those feelings of inadequacy within him that they now bear less control over him and his decisions as they once did. It is something a number of things likely contributed towards, if he's honest.]
I... [he starts, faltering a little. Vergil remains uncertain where to start or how much to share, and deeply uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability that it feels it takes to say anything at all. But Vergil also does not wish to meet Nero's confession with silence. That would be far too cruel of a choice to make so willingly.] I know it may be difficult to believe from what you know or have been told, but I am...familiar. With that feeling.
[Vergil doesn't know what has been discussed between Nero and Dante precisely, but an explicit conversation isn't even likely needed. He's seen enough of both twins at this point to tell the differences in how they fight, relaying even just a little of the differences in how they've each grown into their power. But even setting that aside, Vergil sits confident in his own strength and power, outclassing most that Nero will ever come to face. The idea of anyone who so readily accepted his powers, who sees the devil within him to be just as much himself than a separate entity, bearing that sort of insecurity that Nero acknowledged seems incongruent.]
Father was... He was not some savior of humanity to me. [Not in the sense of how the Order attempted to raise Nero to think of him as being, and not in the manner of it being his greatest accomplishment, nor a legacy that Vergil aspired to uphold someday. It was never about that.] He was our father. Our protector. So long as he was there, we knew we would be safe because he was stronger than anything that might try to threaten us. To tell you the truth, I believed that so strongly, I was likely the last among the three of us left behind to accept that Father was not returning after he left. He was everything that I wanted to grow to be, and it seemed unfathomable to me that he could ever...
[Vergil waves a slight hand. He accepted it a long time ago that his father was likely dead in the best case scenario. In the worst, however... He did not like to entertain that scenario.]
I think because of that, Dante always believed I wanted to be as strong and powerful as Father, but the truth is, after Mother died, I wanted to surpass him.
[It's there that Vergil feels the limits of what he's willing to part with both in this less private setting, and in general. There's much of his life that Nero does not know, does not need to know. But it is perhaps enough for him to understand that Vergil's desire for power began somewhere, and not somewhere out of malice for others.]
That feeling you have can be all-consuming and blinding, but it is important you guard yourself against it.
Each time I knocked you to the ground, you rose to your feet again. But rather than doing so out of the strength you possess, you did it out of anger and spite towards yourself. You focused on your mistakes not for the sake of learning from them, but to punish yourself because that feeling inside you told you that you were being inadequate. A disappointment.
And in doing so, you did not just lose sight of the fact you landed a dozen blows today against an opponent with greater mastery over his power and abilities, and has been fighting demons far longer than you have been alive. You were driven to self-destruct because that would have been more tolerable to you than that feeling continuing its endless refrain.
[Vergil glances away from Nero then, pausing a moment and folding his arms loosely across his chest. He does not want Nero to be like him. He wants Nero to surpass him. Not in strength or fighting prowess, but in the ways that truly matter.]
I told you that you were born with all the strength and power you will ever need to possess. It is only a matter of learning to wield them, which will come with time and practice.
You must find ways to remember that even when you've made mistakes or failed to meet the expectations you set for yourself.
[He's not so dense not to notice Vergil struggling with this. It's another one of those things he can tell his father says from a place of profound experience. His own experience, as he admits. It's so clearly uncomfortable for him to tread into these topics, and Nero deeply appreciates the effort he takes to do so anyway. The only reason he's not looking at him making serious eye contact to show he's listening is that he knows it'll probably make Vergil uncomfortable.
But once again, Mr. Precision has absolutely cut to the heart of the issue. It's a diagnosis he wouldn't have been willing to hear half an hour ago, but an undeniably true one. It wasn't strength that made him keep getting up today. It was fear. Fear of disappointing Vergil, fear of proving himself inadequate, fear that giving up meant failing meant a permanent diminishing of himself.]
I know you're right. [Painfully right. He'd rather have pushed himself unconscious today than thrown in the towel, and being made to do so set him off hard.
And yeah, he is young, he is inexperienced with his powers, he IS at a disadvantage as far as sheer genetics go (a thing he will never admit out loud and never wants to hear, even though he's sure they both know it's a factor.) But...]
And I know it'll take time, but- it's hard to be patient. When I'm not strong enough, people die. They have died, because I wasn't strong enough. I can get over wounded pride, but if something happened to you guys, or Kyrie...
[That's not really something he can solve. Vergil can't solve it either. So all Nero can do is give him a brief shrug and a shake of his head.]
I don't know how I learn to handle those stakes. I have to anyway.
[What Nero says—that he must find a way to handle those stakes—is the unfortunate reality of their existence. After his mother's death, Vergil spent his life being chased and hunted in some form or fashion. Realistically he knows Dante did not likely fare much better even if he was able to hide for a time. Nero has not known a life like that, but because of the blood that flows in his veins, he knows firsthand what man will do and can correctly speculate on devil. At no point will any of that stop being a fact of their lives. Even if Mundus is no more or places like this can offer a slight reprieve, that's all it ever is. Just a reprieve. But even if that is all true, Vergil wishes he could say otherwise. He wishes that there could be a time where it would not be Nero's concern if he and his loved ones are ever truly safe. But the most Nero can do is be as ready as he can.]
[So, Vergil hums his quiet agreement.]
If either your uncle or I knew how, we would tell you.
[Because Vergil isn't going to pretend as though either one of them have figured it out even now. Of his life that he was himself and in control of it, Vergil spent it largely isolated and alone. As a child, he did not fully reject the help of strangers out of recognition there were simply things an eight year old could not accomplish on his own. But he never stayed. He took what he needed and he left again and again until Beatrice, and he hadn't possessed the courage by then to stay with her. As for Dante, he has friends. The people that he trusts above all the others as far as Vergil can tell are Lady and Trish, but those are bonds he forged in hardship and tragedy. Those are not people he found for himself and connected with. He would be just as alone as Vergil otherwise.]
But you do not need to figure it out on your own. Dante and I will not allow what was taken from us to be taken from you.
[Obviously, there's no easy answer. Dante and Vergil had been struggling with the same thing all their lives, even if he doesn't know the specifics or just how profoundly they'd been affected by the nature of their blood, the danger it poses, and the obligation it represents. The only real answer is for Nero to be patient and calm: two things he pretty much sucks at.
He longs to take Vergil's statement that they are there to protect him as reassurance, but it comes with a fatal hole that he can't reconcile.]
That goes both ways. I'm not gonna sit back and let anybody else take over protecting what's mine to protect. And I'm really not gonna let anybody else die for my sake.
[He gives Vergil a serious look.]
If we're doing it together, then we're all together. Don't leave me behind or put me on the sidelines. Let me help you, too.
[Vergil meets Nero's gaze. He doesn't know if it should or should not be an easy thing to promise, but it certainly feels more complicated than on its surface. To an extent, it's not particularly difficult. He doesn't believe fully sheltering Nero serves him well. That sort of coddling leaves him unprepared and vulnerable should the worst happen. But as Nero's father, Vergil is compelled to protect him regardless of the cost.]
I cannot promise you what will or will not come to pass in the future. The most I can say is that it is not my intention to leave you or be separated from you again so long as it is within my power to prevent it.
[He shakes his head a little.]
Truthfully, Nero, I did not wish to leave you in the human world and return to the Underworld. [Vergil's lips purse as he swallows thick. There was no part of him that wanted to leave Nero with only a promise, and certainly not for the Underworld, which he has had his fill of a long time ago.] But there are...
[He sighs, breaking the gaze with Nero. Shame and guilt creep into the back of his throat, leaving his mouth dry and words unable to be formulated. One would think it would not be so had to acknowledge. After all, V had alluded to Vergil's various sins to Nero just before the end almost akin to a deathbed confessional should the worst come to pass, and he was unable to succeed in his mission to make himself whole again. It's not as though Nero is ignorant of the fact Vergil has a past of choosing his survival above all else, of neglecting his humanity for the sake of power. And it's not as though there was not more than just the simple act of attacking Nero that led him to need to hear Vergil say out loud that he would do nothing to bring harm to Nero. Surely that knowledge played its role as well. But even so, Vergil finds himself stumbling here and now, as he does not even know how to articulate it. Then again, even if he could, would it make a difference to Nero?]
I do not believe it be protecting you by barring you from anything, [he says, looking back up to Nero once more. Whatever he was about to say—and he isn't even sure himself—is dropped.] You are capable of making your own choices, and a stubborn enough fool like your father to make them even when others have placed obstacles to stop you. You would only put yourself in a more vulnerable position in that circumstance than if I did not make decisions like that for you.
But I need you to understand this, Nero: we will always work together to prevent it from reaching that point, but as your father, I will do whatever it takes to protect you. [And that may mean, in those extreme circumstances they would have exhausted every avenue to prevent, there may be no affording Nero a choice, or other choices Nero does not agree with Vergil making will need to be made.] Asking me not to do that would be akin to asking me to stop my own heart from beating.
[Vergil says it in more words than necessary, leaving the possibility for it to be lost even if the message is as simple as it is. Vergil loves Nero. More than anything or anyone. Clumsy as Vergil often is to show it and impossible as it is for him to express it directly by just saying it, Vergil loves Nero with an unmatched fierceness that would have him tearing down the very heavens themselves if that's what it took to keep him safe.]
[Vergil drifts off before he really addresses leaving Nero behind for the underworld. But he picks up shortly where it's left off.] I know there wasn't any other choice. You guys had to go. That doesn't mean I have to like it, or it didn't fucking hurt.
[It's the whole reason he's in Folkmore too, after all: looking for a way to reunite with his stranded father and uncle. And the first thing they'd both done is give him guff about not staying behind. Nero suspects that's going to be a pattern that plays out many, many more times, come what may... and now Vergil's been fairly warned about it.
It's still such a strange thing, to have someone say they'll protect you. You, specifically, because you're you, not because you're just a child or their responsibility. He gazes into his bowl and tries to process it. He thinks of Credo, and a thick knot forms in his throat.]
I won't let it happen. I won't let it get to that point.
[And if it does? It won't. It's just that simple. It cannot.]
[Vergil doesn't really know if it's actually possible for that to be the case. After so much bloodshed and loss, it seems difficult to believe that regardless of anyone's will, things will not reach that point yet again. But it can never be said that it got to that point because none of them tried. All three of them will fight like hell for it. Whatever it takes.]
Use that next time you train with me, [he says with a slight nod.] Don't get lost in your head thinking about trying to keep up with me, or with Dante. Don't dwell on what might happen if you fail or do not meet your expectations. Focus on why it is you are doing what you are doing.
[Nero needs to think about motivates him as being what he is protecting, not what he might lose. That is the righteous sort of anger that will allow him to press forward and grow.]
You will find your strength then to get back up regardless of how many times you are knocked down. If you can even be knocked down.
[It's a much better thing to focus on, though Nero knows that frustration and a perceived lack of progress are both slippery slopes for him. He can go careening back down the trail of feeling inferior and getting furious about it all too easily. But maybe he can try to catch himself next time.
He shoots Vergil a brief, somewhat sheepish edge of a smile. Honestly, he's pretty impressed he's been this eloquent in this conversation. Like he clearly wasn't going to get the disappointed dressing-down he feared, but Vergil's unusually astute on this topic in particular. From experience, no doubt... but it's something nice that he's able to offer his son in a time of need. All in all, Nero's glad that they did bring it up.
He does scoff at that last bit, though.] Yeah, think it's safe to say I can be knocked down. I can barely fucking sit still, my ass is so bruised.
[He hums in light amusement at Nero's complaints.]
You may wish to remember your bruised ass the next time you accuse me of being old then.
[It's said with a sly smile and a light kick to the shin under the table in the sort of playful roughhousing Dante really only ever seems to pull out of Vergil when his mood isn't too sour to find Dante's attempts at play obnoxious. But here it is now, directed at Nero as if it were the most natural thing in the world.]
[Sometimes, Nero thinks Vergil looks a lot like him. Others, he looks a lot like Dante. The shin-jab under the table is such a Dante maneuver he has to laugh.
But oh, no. He's not gonna take this lying down. (Because as soon as he lies down he's not getting up again.]
Oh my god. Did you just swear? Maybe I did hit you pretty hard...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Oh, god, ugh. Fucking gross. (Ah, so this is what it's like to be disgusted at the thought of your parent being a sexual person...)]
Do I need to give him The Talk for you? I will, you just say the word. [He's mostly teasing, but he's also really not.]
no subject
And suddenly I find myself burdened with deep regret over having told you...
[He does not mean that.]
Your uncle gave me less trouble than this when I told him.
[He does mean that though. This sort of commentary came later, not immediately.]
no subject
[At least he's learned to recognize Vergil's extremely dry deadpan sarcasm.
He stirs up his ramen and takes a bit in his chopsticks.]
I'm barely even trying over here.
no subject
[He rolls his eyes before taking another sip of his tea. Vergil is only mildly relieved that Mizu and Dante do not appear to speak to one another all that much. At least, not that he's heard. Dante would likely grow comfortable enough with her over time to make similar remarks. It's bad enough Vergil must listen to them, but he's Dante's twin. Mizu does not deserve being subjected to that sort of...humor.]
no subject
[Nero laughs and shoots Vergil a wink and a fingergun over his bowl. Then he's given at least a brief respite for a moment as Nero takes a few bites, simply too hungry to continue trolling his father right now.
When he's done chewing and swallowing he'll offer just one more comment on the matter.]
Well, congrats, I guess. It's really none of my business, for the most part. As long as you're happy, good for you.
no subject
[He nods a little to Nero's words after he's had a few bites, but says nothing in response. Vergil finds the offer of congratulations a bit odd, but there's nothing he finds objectionable about Nero recognizing that Vergil's relationship with Mizu is largely none of his business. And as for the matter of happiness...?]
[When Dante asked Vergil if he was happy with Mizu, he didn't know exactly how to answer. Not to say that he was unhappy in any way, but it had only been a couple of weeks at that point. It was difficult to tell with how fresh and new everything had been if it was the novelty or if he truly had found happiness with Mizu. Never mind that... Well. Happiness is a fleeting thing in the majority of Vergil's experiences, often slipping from his fingertips before he can even realize it's right there in front of him. Assuming that he even allowed for it in the first place.]
[But Vergil finds himself astonishingly happy here in Folkmore. Not just with Mizu. With Dante and Nero. With his life here. There's a part of him that keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to happen where some part of this dream is stripped away from him, but it's grown a little quieter as of late.]
[Vergil doesn't push for further conversation to allow Nero to eat.]
no subject
Nero is content to eat for a bit, filling in the void that is his growling stomach with a massive quantity of curry broth, marinated pork, noodles, and all the toppings. He takes a break for gyoza, offering Vergil some if he'd like to nibble. Amazing how a bit of food can turn his mood around so quickly.
Not that he's completely forgotten about the fiasco earlier. He's still pretty embarrassed at his meltdown, and wondering if he ought to apologize for it. Though he'd admittedly also just like to drop it forever and pretend it didn't happen. Shuffling in his seat, one of the severe bruises across his back announces itself with a twinge, and Nero visibly winces at the motion, squirming a little until he can get comfortable again.
Okay. Maybe he can't really pretend it didn't happen just yet...]
I... didn't get a chance to, but. I'm getting better at holding my Devil Trigger.
[Or he could just directly bring it up.]
no subject
Good. [They'd already spoken of the importance of increasing his endurance, and it was already on Nero's mind when they had. So, of course, Vergil approves of that and is glad to hear Nero is following through on what he's expressed wanting to do. He pauses a moment before asking,] Are you pushing yourself until you cannot hold it any longer, or are you leaving it when you are feeling the beginnings of fatigue?
[It's more a point of curiosity than anything. There is, unfortunately, no real manual given to anyone of their mixed heritage that explains the best methodology in accessing Devil Trigger and maximizing its power.]
no subject
He makes a bit of a face at the question, mostly because he has to answer:] The first one. [Not a big surprise, given how Vergil just watched him nearly burn himself out physically, too.]
At home in my room, mostly. Not sure why it has to make me look butt-ass naked...
no subject
...You're not embarrassed by it, are you?
no subject
I dunno. [He says, finally.] Demons don't really give a shit what I look like, so it doesn't bother me in action but...
[Another crookedly awkward purse of his lips, inverse of the first.] Not like I can change it if it's meant to be my true self.
[Which is all to say, yes. He's not super confident in that skin yet.]
no subject
You will grow accustomed to it with time. [And if not with time, well. Vergil's certain it will not lack in...appeal for others. At least that's been Vergil's experience. But that's something for Nero to discover on his own, and not to be discussed between father and son.] For what it is worth, however, I believe it suits you. It reflects your demonic heritage. You bear traits similar to me and your grandfather. But it still reflects your humanity.
[Which, yes, is because of his human blood, but Vergil chooses the word humanity to describe it instead for a reason.]
It is both your power and your strength made manifest. I see it as something to take pride in.
no subject
[He realizes a moment too late that that might sound like he's dismissing what Vergil said, or jabbing his own devil's appearance. Which he is, but... it's a little funny, isn't it? Demons aren't going to think it's funny when he's crushing their skulls in his palms or snapping them in half like an overextended measuring tape, which is what really matters. Nero's just going to have to get used to looking buff and nude.
It's something else he says that brings him back around though.]
You think I look like you? And Sparda?
no subject
Of course, [he says so matter-of-fact, one should think it the obvious comparison. Not that Vergil thinks it entirely unreasonable for not seeing the similarities with Sparda given that the Order possessed some...unique interpretations for his visage. It's only been recently that Nero has been afforded the opportunity to see Sparda as he actually was in human form the family portrait at the very least.] Do you disagree?
no subject
Well, yeah. I mean, like this... [He gestures between them, indicating their faces. Yeah, it's not escaped his attention that he's a dead ringer for his father, to the point they might have guessed they were related even if they didn't know it for a fact. So many times, Nero sees his own face looking back at him-- like with that nose wrinkle, for instance.]
Can't say I got much of a look at your devil, [when he was spiking you into the ground like a football] but... other than being blue, I don't know.
[And then, he lets slip a very telling remark, perhaps still thinking of the earlier spar.] I feel so far apart sometimes.
no subject
I... [he starts, faltering a little. Vergil remains uncertain where to start or how much to share, and deeply uncomfortable with the level of vulnerability that it feels it takes to say anything at all. But Vergil also does not wish to meet Nero's confession with silence. That would be far too cruel of a choice to make so willingly.] I know it may be difficult to believe from what you know or have been told, but I am...familiar. With that feeling.
[Vergil doesn't know what has been discussed between Nero and Dante precisely, but an explicit conversation isn't even likely needed. He's seen enough of both twins at this point to tell the differences in how they fight, relaying even just a little of the differences in how they've each grown into their power. But even setting that aside, Vergil sits confident in his own strength and power, outclassing most that Nero will ever come to face. The idea of anyone who so readily accepted his powers, who sees the devil within him to be just as much himself than a separate entity, bearing that sort of insecurity that Nero acknowledged seems incongruent.]
Father was... He was not some savior of humanity to me. [Not in the sense of how the Order attempted to raise Nero to think of him as being, and not in the manner of it being his greatest accomplishment, nor a legacy that Vergil aspired to uphold someday. It was never about that.] He was our father. Our protector. So long as he was there, we knew we would be safe because he was stronger than anything that might try to threaten us. To tell you the truth, I believed that so strongly, I was likely the last among the three of us left behind to accept that Father was not returning after he left. He was everything that I wanted to grow to be, and it seemed unfathomable to me that he could ever...
[Vergil waves a slight hand. He accepted it a long time ago that his father was likely dead in the best case scenario. In the worst, however... He did not like to entertain that scenario.]
I think because of that, Dante always believed I wanted to be as strong and powerful as Father, but the truth is, after Mother died, I wanted to surpass him.
[It's there that Vergil feels the limits of what he's willing to part with both in this less private setting, and in general. There's much of his life that Nero does not know, does not need to know. But it is perhaps enough for him to understand that Vergil's desire for power began somewhere, and not somewhere out of malice for others.]
That feeling you have can be all-consuming and blinding, but it is important you guard yourself against it.
Each time I knocked you to the ground, you rose to your feet again. But rather than doing so out of the strength you possess, you did it out of anger and spite towards yourself. You focused on your mistakes not for the sake of learning from them, but to punish yourself because that feeling inside you told you that you were being inadequate. A disappointment.
And in doing so, you did not just lose sight of the fact you landed a dozen blows today against an opponent with greater mastery over his power and abilities, and has been fighting demons far longer than you have been alive. You were driven to self-destruct because that would have been more tolerable to you than that feeling continuing its endless refrain.
[Vergil glances away from Nero then, pausing a moment and folding his arms loosely across his chest. He does not want Nero to be like him. He wants Nero to surpass him. Not in strength or fighting prowess, but in the ways that truly matter.]
I told you that you were born with all the strength and power you will ever need to possess. It is only a matter of learning to wield them, which will come with time and practice.
You must find ways to remember that even when you've made mistakes or failed to meet the expectations you set for yourself.
no subject
But once again, Mr. Precision has absolutely cut to the heart of the issue. It's a diagnosis he wouldn't have been willing to hear half an hour ago, but an undeniably true one. It wasn't strength that made him keep getting up today. It was fear. Fear of disappointing Vergil, fear of proving himself inadequate, fear that giving up meant failing meant a permanent diminishing of himself.]
I know you're right. [Painfully right. He'd rather have pushed himself unconscious today than thrown in the towel, and being made to do so set him off hard.
And yeah, he is young, he is inexperienced with his powers, he IS at a disadvantage as far as sheer genetics go (a thing he will never admit out loud and never wants to hear, even though he's sure they both know it's a factor.) But...]
And I know it'll take time, but- it's hard to be patient. When I'm not strong enough, people die. They have died, because I wasn't strong enough. I can get over wounded pride, but if something happened to you guys, or Kyrie...
[That's not really something he can solve. Vergil can't solve it either. So all Nero can do is give him a brief shrug and a shake of his head.]
I don't know how I learn to handle those stakes. I have to anyway.
no subject
[So, Vergil hums his quiet agreement.]
If either your uncle or I knew how, we would tell you.
[Because Vergil isn't going to pretend as though either one of them have figured it out even now. Of his life that he was himself and in control of it, Vergil spent it largely isolated and alone. As a child, he did not fully reject the help of strangers out of recognition there were simply things an eight year old could not accomplish on his own. But he never stayed. He took what he needed and he left again and again until Beatrice, and he hadn't possessed the courage by then to stay with her. As for Dante, he has friends. The people that he trusts above all the others as far as Vergil can tell are Lady and Trish, but those are bonds he forged in hardship and tragedy. Those are not people he found for himself and connected with. He would be just as alone as Vergil otherwise.]
But you do not need to figure it out on your own. Dante and I will not allow what was taken from us to be taken from you.
no subject
He longs to take Vergil's statement that they are there to protect him as reassurance, but it comes with a fatal hole that he can't reconcile.]
That goes both ways. I'm not gonna sit back and let anybody else take over protecting what's mine to protect. And I'm really not gonna let anybody else die for my sake.
[He gives Vergil a serious look.]
If we're doing it together, then we're all together. Don't leave me behind or put me on the sidelines. Let me help you, too.
no subject
I cannot promise you what will or will not come to pass in the future. The most I can say is that it is not my intention to leave you or be separated from you again so long as it is within my power to prevent it.
[He shakes his head a little.]
Truthfully, Nero, I did not wish to leave you in the human world and return to the Underworld. [Vergil's lips purse as he swallows thick. There was no part of him that wanted to leave Nero with only a promise, and certainly not for the Underworld, which he has had his fill of a long time ago.] But there are...
[He sighs, breaking the gaze with Nero. Shame and guilt creep into the back of his throat, leaving his mouth dry and words unable to be formulated. One would think it would not be so had to acknowledge. After all, V had alluded to Vergil's various sins to Nero just before the end almost akin to a deathbed confessional should the worst come to pass, and he was unable to succeed in his mission to make himself whole again. It's not as though Nero is ignorant of the fact Vergil has a past of choosing his survival above all else, of neglecting his humanity for the sake of power. And it's not as though there was not more than just the simple act of attacking Nero that led him to need to hear Vergil say out loud that he would do nothing to bring harm to Nero. Surely that knowledge played its role as well. But even so, Vergil finds himself stumbling here and now, as he does not even know how to articulate it. Then again, even if he could, would it make a difference to Nero?]
I do not believe it be protecting you by barring you from anything, [he says, looking back up to Nero once more. Whatever he was about to say—and he isn't even sure himself—is dropped.] You are capable of making your own choices, and a stubborn enough fool like your father to make them even when others have placed obstacles to stop you. You would only put yourself in a more vulnerable position in that circumstance than if I did not make decisions like that for you.
But I need you to understand this, Nero: we will always work together to prevent it from reaching that point, but as your father, I will do whatever it takes to protect you. [And that may mean, in those extreme circumstances they would have exhausted every avenue to prevent, there may be no affording Nero a choice, or other choices Nero does not agree with Vergil making will need to be made.] Asking me not to do that would be akin to asking me to stop my own heart from beating.
[Vergil says it in more words than necessary, leaving the possibility for it to be lost even if the message is as simple as it is. Vergil loves Nero. More than anything or anyone. Clumsy as Vergil often is to show it and impossible as it is for him to express it directly by just saying it, Vergil loves Nero with an unmatched fierceness that would have him tearing down the very heavens themselves if that's what it took to keep him safe.]
no subject
[It's the whole reason he's in Folkmore too, after all: looking for a way to reunite with his stranded father and uncle. And the first thing they'd both done is give him guff about not staying behind. Nero suspects that's going to be a pattern that plays out many, many more times, come what may... and now Vergil's been fairly warned about it.
It's still such a strange thing, to have someone say they'll protect you. You, specifically, because you're you, not because you're just a child or their responsibility. He gazes into his bowl and tries to process it. He thinks of Credo, and a thick knot forms in his throat.]
I won't let it happen. I won't let it get to that point.
[And if it does? It won't. It's just that simple. It cannot.]
no subject
[Vergil doesn't really know if it's actually possible for that to be the case. After so much bloodshed and loss, it seems difficult to believe that regardless of anyone's will, things will not reach that point yet again. But it can never be said that it got to that point because none of them tried. All three of them will fight like hell for it. Whatever it takes.]
Use that next time you train with me, [he says with a slight nod.] Don't get lost in your head thinking about trying to keep up with me, or with Dante. Don't dwell on what might happen if you fail or do not meet your expectations. Focus on why it is you are doing what you are doing.
[Nero needs to think about motivates him as being what he is protecting, not what he might lose. That is the righteous sort of anger that will allow him to press forward and grow.]
You will find your strength then to get back up regardless of how many times you are knocked down. If you can even be knocked down.
no subject
[It's a much better thing to focus on, though Nero knows that frustration and a perceived lack of progress are both slippery slopes for him. He can go careening back down the trail of feeling inferior and getting furious about it all too easily. But maybe he can try to catch himself next time.
He shoots Vergil a brief, somewhat sheepish edge of a smile. Honestly, he's pretty impressed he's been this eloquent in this conversation. Like he clearly wasn't going to get the disappointed dressing-down he feared, but Vergil's unusually astute on this topic in particular. From experience, no doubt... but it's something nice that he's able to offer his son in a time of need. All in all, Nero's glad that they did bring it up.
He does scoff at that last bit, though.] Yeah, think it's safe to say I can be knocked down. I can barely fucking sit still, my ass is so bruised.
no subject
You may wish to remember your bruised ass the next time you accuse me of being old then.
[It's said with a sly smile and a light kick to the shin under the table in the sort of playful roughhousing Dante really only ever seems to pull out of Vergil when his mood isn't too sour to find Dante's attempts at play obnoxious. But here it is now, directed at Nero as if it were the most natural thing in the world.]
no subject
But oh, no. He's not gonna take this lying down. (Because as soon as he lies down he's not getting up again.]
Oh my god. Did you just swear? Maybe I did hit you pretty hard...
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)